PEE-WEE HERMAN'S GREMLINS COLLECTION

Back in the mid to late 80's I was completely terrified of the movie Gremlins. I remember watching it (somewhat) at my grandparent's house as a young child, not being able to make it through the film after the mogwai had completed their evil metmorphases, resorting to hiding behind the couch. 

Now as an adult, Gremlins has become one of my favorite films. Childhood memories of fear have been replaced with fun and nostalgia. However, I can understand how my younger self reacted in such a frightened manner after viewing the film. It is a fucking creepy movie. When you are only five years old, you simply do not grasp the idea that grown men with puppets and cameras are able to achieve such horrifyingly awesome magic. To you it is real. As real as anything else, and it's immensely fucked up.

I suppose as time goes on, you learn to appreciate films that once horrified you. Certainly that was the case with Gremlins. But how can a movie I was barely able to make it through as a kid, account for so much nostalgia?

The answer may reside within the realm of vintage Gremlins toy lines.

As a child of the 80's, I had fond memories of fuzzy creatures like My Pet Monster, the Ewoks, and of course, Gizmo the Mogwai. Unlike the foul and freaky Gremlin monsters, Gizmo had a much larger resonance with a younger demographic, including myself. It was only natural that young children, even those who had not really even seen the film, would gravitate toward the cute cuddly creature. 

So of course many Gizmo toys and dolls were produced under the official Gremlins licence. I fondly remember carrying around a plush Gizmo doll as a young boy. Unfortunately an ex-girlfriend in high school threw it into a fireplace after I broke up with her...

Strangely, I have no memory of the extremely terrifying Gremlins toys that were lurking around toy shelves back in 1984. Possibly the memories have all been wiped or blocked as a consequence of sheer trauma. 

Just take a look at LJN's large scale Posable Stripe Figure...

... imagine being 5 years old and getting that for Christmas. Jesus Christ.

Oh yeah and speaking of being terrified as a child, also try to imagine seeing one of your favorite Saturday morning TV show hosts dressed up like Satan, acting as if he's on more drugs than usual (although a couple of years before Pee-wee's Playhouse first aired on TV), whilst presenting his extensive Gremlins collection to David Letterman... HOLY SHIT!!

Still, as batshit insane as that video clip was, at least he wasn't wearing this. . .

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HUGO : MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES

As Halloween comes to an end and the Christmas season begins, the jack-o-lanterns, spider webs, ghosts and monsters will inevitably disappear into our attics and quickly be replaced with glistening snow, x-mas trees, eggnog and mall Santas...

...screaming children on the laps of costumed strangers is one of the hallmarks of the Christmas season after all... and Halloween too I suppose.  Too bad we can't just scare children for fun all year round.

But if you were a one of the unfortunate children of 1975 who had parents that didn't love them or were on some fucked up drugs, you could have continued the age old tradition of being terrorized during the holidays in your very own home, with... 

...HUGO : Man Of A Thousand Faces. 

"...yes Billy, the police will never find out who really murdered your family."

Released by Kenner in the 1970's before their success with the Star Wars action figure franchise, HUGO was a bald plastisol puppet with the cold stare of a serial killer. It's main feature was the ability to change into different disguises utilizing various face attachments such as facial hair, scars, warts, eye patches, fangs... you know, all the stuff normal people have on their faces.

The disguise attachments were applied using some kind of glue, which I'm sure was tons of fun to clean off after multiple uses. What child wouldn't want a soulless puppet with white goo on his face to play with alone in their bedrooms? Try not to make a mess kids!

HUGO hasn't glared at little children from toy store shelves for over forty years, but if you are a good little bastard, Satan... I mean Santa, just might track one down on eBay and drop it off at your miserable house so that you too can experience the terror for yourself.

Speaking of puppets and sticky white goo - did you know that HUGO helped Pee-wee Herman hypnotize women to take their clothes off on his live stand-up comedy show back in the 80's? No wonder Pee-wee's Playhouse was so fucking insane. Don't let the silly humor fool you. Under the guise of 'Dr. Mondo', HUGO has gained complete control over Pee-wee's child-like mind...

. . .